- You will find him in the country, you will find him in the towns.
- Occasionally you'll find him in a club.
- You will know him when you meet him. The man who always frowns -
- The Hatchet man who ruins a fine pub!
- You know the situation, you've been going there for years.
- You've friends and neighbours often in there too.
- You maybe have a meal, drink one or several beers,
- Relax and chat, and share a joke or two.
- The landlord by the counter is the clever man in charge.
- He panders to his customers' desires.
- He treats them like a family, because his heart is large.
- There's a barmaid there that everyone admires.
- You go back just one week later, but where is the merry throng?
- The landlord's changed. You have a new `mine host'.
- But before you reach the bar top, the atmosphere is wrong.
- He stares at you, as if you were a ghost.
- You get a pint of bitter and just hope a friend comes in.
- The spirit's gone, the welcome isn't there.
- You try talking to this man, but he's as miserable as sin,
- So next night out, you take yourself elsewhere.
- Is there a special school they train them at, these sad embittered men?
- A brewery plot to fix their balance sheets?
- "The profit's getting larger, use the Hatchet man again,
- The customers can go and walk the streets!"
- There's much more to life than money in my balancing of books.
- There's happiness and sharing hopes and fears.
- The Hatchet man can't see this fact, because he never looks.
- His boring life is simply selling beers.
- There is a silver lining to this miserable plight:
- The Hatchet man won't stay there very long.
- Next landlord must be better, he'll get the thing put right,
- And soon the pub regains its happy throng.
ALE Winter 2000 No. 300
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Cambridge & District CAMRA